Safe and Sound
by LilyHeartsJames
Summary: James could never keep track of the amount of sleepless nights he had had since Harry's birth.


**Disclaimer: **JK Rowling owns all rights to Harry Potter, including the characters that you recognize. Taylor Swift's song 'Safe and Sound' inspired me for this and some of the lyrics in her songs were twisted around and placed in this story.

**Notes: **Sorry I didn't add the disclaimer when I updated it, I completely forgot! I hope you all really enjoy the story.

* * *

James could never keep track of the amount of sleepless nights he had had since Harry's birth.

He would often tell Lily it was because Harry was driving him up the wall with his constant cries, but what he didn't tell her was that every time he closed his eyes the hair on the back of his neck prickled uncomfortably.

He would sneak out of bed silently so as not to wake his exhausted wife and tiptoe silently down the hall to the infant's room, checking over his shoulder every so often to quiet the nagging feeling of being watched.

"You're just paranoid," he whispered to himself but still he poked his head around the door and his hazel eyes scanned the room before slipping inside and closing the door gently behind him.

There, he could see the baby's sleeping form and the rise and fall of Harry's tiny chest sent a warm relief through his body, and he sat in the rocking chair next to the cot and watched him through the bars.

Harry's shock of messy black hair was sticking up in all directions just as it always did, just as James' did. It sent a swell of pride through him as he leaned back and grinned to himself, taking in the light blue walls surrounding him.

It was then that his heart would sink into his stomach as he noticed the charmed tiny golden snitches zooming around on the painted wall, and his mind would flicker back to when they were standing in that room several months ago with Marlene McKinnon who was covered head to toe in blue and gold paint and laughing contagiously.

Sweet, lovely Marlene, the aspiring artist who had gifted Harry with this carefully crafted room in the hopes that he would catch onto the interest of Quidditch, just as they all had during their time at Hogwarts. Stubborn, rebellious Marlene, Lily and James' friend and member of the Order of the Phoenix; dead in a matter of seconds at the hands of Voldemort's followers. Murdered because she fought for Harry; tortured for befriending Lily and James. She was sought after because she believed in equal rights for all witches and wizards, and magical beasts and creatures alike.

Lily, poor Lily, had cried for weeks on end, devastated at the loss of her best friend. And Sirius, as loyal as one could be, had visited every day and held her for hours until James returned from yet another mission for the Order. Harry hadn't kept to his proper routine for months until they had somehow started to heal and he no longer picked up on their pain and grief.

James lost more and more sleep as the nights continued, his mind frazzled and body weak from fatigue. He went to fight in honour of Marlene and all those who had lost their lives fighting for a cause, fighting to keep the Potter's alive.

And usually as he sat in the chair and rocked back and forth he would finally succumb to a few hours' sleep and wake up feeling as though he hadn't slept at all. And it went on like that for months.

But tonight he didn't doze off. Tonight the memory of the dark shadows that had crept over Remus' face as he recounted what had happened to their fallen friend haunted him, and the tightness of his chest forced him to sit forward and place his head in his hands, blinking back tears that threatened to fall.

The shuffling of footsteps in the hallway caused his head to snap up in alert, and his heart pounded heavily in his chest as he frantically patted the side of his flannelette pyjama pants and with a pang realized he'd left his wand on his bedside table.

He leapt from the chair and flattened his back to the wall beside the door, poised and determined to latch onto whoever came through it. Sure enough, the door opened slowly and he waited until they had stepped inside with his heart throbbing in his ears and he lunged forwards, grabbing the other person by their shoulders tightly and pushing them up against the wall.

Their scream was muffled as he placed his palm against their lips, his eyes narrowed in slits until a familiar bright green stared back at him, their body paralysed in fright. That was when he had the urge to be sick.

Lily stood with her back pressed up against the wall, her eyes wide in fear and her panicked breathing blowing against his hand and he stepped back instantly, staring down at his hands in disgust.

"I… Lily," he croaked, continuing to back away until the back of his legs hit the closed toy chest and he grabbed onto the wall to stop him from falling. "Shit."

Her mouth opened and closed wordlessly as she continued to stare at the crumpled form of the man before her who slid down the wall and sat on top of the yellow toy chest, his eyes never leaving his hands.

He slumped forwards and dropped his head into his hands once more, pulling at clumps of his hair as he muttered under his breath. She couldn't catch what she was saying, but seeing him like this sent a wave of anxiety coursing through her body as she willed herself to move towards him, but she found that she couldn't. It was as though her back was glued to the wall and her legs had somehow stopped working.

"James," she said when she finally found her voice but he did not look up. He made no sign that he had heard her but swore under his breath and she flinched. "James," she repeated to no avail.

It wasn't until she saw that his body was beginning to shake uncontrollably that she kicked herself into gear and pushed away from the wall, taking careful steps towards him and kneeling down in front of her husband, her hands touching his neck.

He recoiled and turned away, his sobs sending shivers down her spine. She had never seen James cry, not even when his parents died, not when Marlene had died. He had always just soldiered on, pushed the pain away by becoming even more engrossed in the Order or taking his broom out into the backyard and flying around for hours on end. But now he sat before her, his tears finally spilling from within and breaking him down, forcing him to be human.

"I'm not mad," she murmured and she straightened up and sat beside him on the chest, placing a delicate hand on his back and feeling relieved when this time he didn't push her away. "I'm not."

She wasn't expecting him to reply, she knew his tears hadn't yet dried up; he wasn't ready to resurface from the pool of despair he was feeling. He just needed to let it all out, and she wasn't going to stop him.

"I admit I was surprised, but I'm okay, I promise."

Lily leaned down and pressed her cheek against his back, wrapping her arms around him. His hands suddenly gripped onto the arm against his chest and she froze for a moment until his heaving chest suddenly relaxed her, reminding her that he wasn't going to hurt her. He needed her as much as she needed him right now.

They sat in silence for a while, Lily lost track of the time and at some point James' sobs had come to an end, but his shoulders remained slumped forward and he didn't say a word, and neither did she.

Until she felt a lone, silent tear drop on her arm and she closed her eyes for a moment, opening them again when she said, "did Harry wake you up again?"

James sat up slowly and his bloodshot, red rimmed eyes finally met hers and she noticed his glasses had cut into his face, leaving blood trickling down his cheeks. She glanced down and realized that it hadn't been tears that had dripped onto her arm, but his blood.

"Sorry," he whispered as he followed her line of sight and wiped her lower arm with the sleeve of his woollen jumper. The weight of the single word, however, went far deeper than the cuts on his face did.

"You don't have to-"

"I shoved you against a wall, Lily," he interrupted in a shaky voice and she shrugged.

"It doesn't matter; I know you wouldn't have hurt me-"

He snorted.

"You have no idea what I was going to do."

This thought alone sent a small trickle of fear down her back, but she shook her head regardless.

"No, you didn't know it was me. I crept up on you-"

James sighed, taking off his glasses and sitting them on the chest beside him wearily.

"But it was you, and that's the point. And no, Harry wasn't bloody crying. He hasn't cried during the night for months."

Lily's eyes glanced up at his and he shook his head slowly.

"I haven't been sleeping much. Well, not really at all actually. I just… I can't. Every time I try, I…"

He trailed off and looked away from her, glaring at the miniature snitches darting around the walls.

"You haven't been sleeping since Marlene."

James knew Lily required no answer, it was a statement, not a question but he nodded and she clasped her hand gently over his.

"Sort of. It got worse after Marlene. I haven't slept properly since Harry was born. I got some sleep, but… After Remus told us I… I just couldn't close my eyes. I was afraid of-of what might happen if I did."

Lily's grip tightened and she pulled him into a hug with her other hand, wrapping her arm around the back of his neck and holding him close to her. She could feel the beating of his chest against hers and his arms slowly found their way around her back, and it seemed as though he held on for dear life.

And to be honest, she couldn't really blame him for attempting to attack someone creeping into Harry's room. He was living in fear every night and while she managed to get to sleep and escape the reality (when she wasn't having nightmares that is), he was constantly reliving it and ending up exhausted. She hated what the prophecy had done to him; what it had done to their friends.

Her fingers made their way into his hair and massaged his head and she felt him droop in her arms slightly. He could feel his breath against her shoulder and she rubbed the bottom of his back comfortingly.

"I don't deserve you," he murmured and she shook her head, kissing his ear softly.

"You mustn't think like that, James. It was an accident; you didn't know it was me. That could have been anyone."

James sighed and pressed his lips to her shoulder and leaned back, touching her cheek lightly with his index finger. "I could have hurt you, and if I hadn't realised it wasn't some Death Eater prick, then I would have."

"I would have understood-"

"You wouldn't have been able to live under the same roof as me, Lily. You would have taken Harry with you because you would have been afraid of what might happen to him. And I would understand that. I wouldn't want to live with some psycho-"

"Stop it!" she snapped and their heads automatically turned to the cot. Harry's quiet snores met their ears and they faced each other once again. "You're not a psycho, James. I love you, and right now I need you to stop talking like that."

James smiled grimly and placed his hand on her knee, tracing small patterns on her skin. She lifted his chin with her thumb and index finger and turned his face from side to side so she could examine the cuts.

"I can fix that for you," she told him quietly but he shook his head.

"Don't. Leave them there, I earned them."

She rolled her emerald green eyes and dropped her hand to his shoulder.

"You're an idiot, you know that?"

She smiled as she stood up from the chest and made to leave the room but James snatched at her hand with his rather unexpectedly. She turned back to see his eyes pleading with her.

"Don't leave me alone," he choked out and her heart hammered painfully against her chest at his desperate expression. "Please."

She nodded.

"I never will, I promise."

She turned to the cot and James hesitantly released her grip, watching her closely as she lowered the side rail and leant down into the cot. She tucked her long, wavy red hair behind her ear as she gently pressed her lips to Harry's forehead, and the boy stirred slightly but slept on.

As she straightened up, she murmured, "Mamma loves you," and pulled the rail with her and fixed it into place carefully. She turned to face James who was staring at the snitches on the wall with a wounded expression and he closed his eyes for a second before blinking them back open.

"I think of her too, you know. Every day," she said softly and he nodded, turning his gaze to her.

"I know," he said simply and she held out her hand to him and he glanced at it briefly before standing and interlocking his fingers with hers.

"Come on," she said quietly, "come with me."

He followed her out into the hallway but stopped at the door, gripping the frame and poking his head back into the room. He stared at Harry's silhouette before Lily tugged on his hand ever so lightly and said, "He's alright, James. He's safe."

And although he wanted so desperately to check once more, the sure look in her eyes convinced him to leave the door open a crack and follow her down the hallway towards their own room.

Lily led him over to the bed and urged him to sit on the edge, holding onto both of his hands tightly.

"Listen, I'm not leaving you, and I'm never going to, you have to believe that. We made vows, James. I'm not backing away from that."

He nodded silently and she kissed his forehead just as she had done with Harry.

"I'm going to get my wand from the desk, okay? I'll be just here," she told him and waited for him to release her hands before she turned and walked over to the other side of the room. She located her wand under a stack of paper and turned back to find James watching her, his head tilted slightly and she raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

"What?" she asked, making her way back over him and he shrugged, a cheeky smirk crossing his features and causing her to narrow her eyes suspiciously.

"Nothing," he replied innocently. _Too innocently,_ she thought. "Just appreciating my wife's beautiful assets," he added, winking at her and a blush crept over her cheeks.

She kneeled down in front of him and he chuckled.

"You sure do know how to cheer a guy up," he quipped and she shook her head as she raised the wand to his face.

"Shut it, you. How can you go so easily from feeling sad to making jokes?"

His smile faltered and he averted his eyes as remorse bubbled guiltily through her.

"Shit, James, I'm sorry. I didn't-"

He held out a hand and placed it on her shoulder, shaking his head.

"Don't be, it's fine. Just… It's not easy, you know?"

She nodded, tilting his chin so she could look into his eyes.

"I know, and I should have thought before I opened my mouth. I'm really sorry," she mumbled and he shrugged.

"I hope you're not going to poke my eye out with that," he said nodding slightly at the wand aimed at his cheek and the redhead winced but she heard him chuckle quietly. "I'm kidding."

"I just… I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. I didn't notice that things were so bad for you, and-"

James leaned down and kissed her lips, the rest of her sentence lost. "I want you to listen to me very carefully, Lily," he said pulling away. "You've been here for me more than you know, believe me. Knowing that you and Harry are okay got me through every day, so don't for a second think that you've failed me or that you made it worse, because that's not true. You made it better in spite of how I felt."

She grinned and James wiped away a single tear with his thumb, kissing the wet spot tenderly. She lifted her wand to the side of his temple and tapped it gently three times, her eyes focused on the side of his eye. She did the same for the other side and turned his head from side to side, watching as the blood disappeared and the cuts started to stitch themselves up with what appeared to be invisible thread.

"There, you're as good as new," she told him with a smile and he rubbed his temples with his fingers and sighed.

"Thank you," he murmured pulling her into a hug and she nuzzled his neck, pressing her lips to his soft skin.

"You need sleep," she whispered standing up and pulling the colourful quilt back, turning to find him watching her.

"Could you just bend over again?" he asked and she poked her tongue out at him and he grinned, standing up and diving towards her, pinning her back on top of the bed. "Never mind," he murmured, leaning down and kissing her once more.

* * *

James' listened to Lily's heart beating inside her chest while her fingers stroked his back and he shivered slightly. His warm hazel eyes began to droop, and he blinked several times, shaking his head as he felt Lily's chuckle rumble through her.

"James, go to sleep. Merlin knows, you need it."

He pushed himself up with his elbow pressed into the bed and met her eyes.

"I'm afraid if I do, you won't be here," he whispered and she smiled, picking up his hand and kissing his fingers.

"I'll always be right here, I promise. Now close your eyes."

He sighed and laid back, dropping his head back on the pillow and Lily crept over to his chest, kissing his forehead. She wrapped her arms around his waist and leant her ear against his chest, smiling to herself as the soft _thump, thump_ of his heart beat slowly.

"We're going to be alright, James," she promised and he nodded. "No one's going to hurt us, we're safe and sound."

"I love you," he breathed and she nodded.

"I know, I love you too."

Twenty minutes passed and James' soft snores filled the room but were soon interrupted by Harry's crying from down the hallway. Lily made to sit up but James gripped her arm.

"It's Harry, James. I'll be right back."

He groaned and opened an eye to look at her.

"You better, I'm not going back to sleep until you do."

He sat up and kissed her lips before lying back down and omitting a loud yawn.

Lily got up and pulled James' discarded t-shirt over her head, turning to hear the soft snores of her husband once again. She wasn't disappointed, if anyone deserved any sleep that night, it was surely James.

* * *

James rolled over and felt his hand grasp at nothing, a sudden panic fleeting through his body. His eyes snapped open to see sunlight streaming through the open windows and he groaned as he pushed himself into a sitting position.

He reached over to the bed side table and groped around for his glasses, locating them and shoving them onto his face. The sense of sudden fear was washed out of him as the sight on the floor instilled a calm over him, and he smiled.

Harry sat on his play mat, holding a stuffed toy stag to his mouth and chewing on it. He giggled and he saw Lily lean over and plant a kiss on the infant's messy hair. She stood up and walked over to the bed, grinning at her husband.

"I brought your glasses in from his room this morning," she informed him, pushing his hair back from his forehead and messing it up even further. He smiled appreciatively and leaned around her, seeing Harry drop the stag and pick up another stuffed animal, a black dog, and clutching it tightly.

"Well, clearly he needs to sort out his priorities, that boy," James said nodding at him and Lily looked around and laughed at the sight of Harry drooling all over the animal. "Sirius will have a field day with this."

"How do you feel?" she asked and he glanced back at her.

"Better, as though I slept for a thousand years."

He grinned and she sighed with relief.

"Well I'm really glad, because you needed it," she said kissing his lips and standing up. "Come say 'hello' to Dada, Harry," she said bending down and picking up the infant.

James smirked and wolf whistled and she laughed, showering Harry with kisses. "He thinks he's so witty," she cooed, plopping Harry carefully on the bed beside his father.

"Dada!" Harry said, pointing at James and Lily smiled as she leaned back against a pillow.

"Morning, son," James said ruffling the boy's hair and kissing his cheek as Harry giggled.

"Afternoon," Lily corrected and James stuck his tongue out at her, and she retaliated the gesture.

James sighed contentedly as he watched Harry turn and crawl over to Lily, pushing himself up on her legs. Lily clapped her hands and Harry raised his arms for her to pick him up and she lifted him high over her head, the pair of them laughing together.

And he knew now, that although he had closed his eyes and let sleep overcome him, they would be safe and sound in the morning.

"Lily," he said and she shifted Harry to the side so that she could see him smiling. "What day is it?"

"Saturday," she replied winking at him. "October 31st."


End file.
